Vegetarian for A Week

So I've been issued a challenge from a friend to be vegetarian for a week. She is a vegan, and I thought hey if she can do it, why can't I? So i'm going to abstain from meat until November 20, 2009. I wonder what effect this great endeavor will have on my life. We will just have to wait and see. This morning's breakfast consisted of cereal, soymilk, a custard bun, oh and lunch was a veggie patty from subway, which is not all that bad. I think that I can really do this. The biggest challenge will be the thanksgiving dinner that my dorm is putting on later this week, with delicious turkey, but its OK! I can forgo it this week and enjoy it next week. So far I've started noticing the ingredients in my foods. I can't imagine being vegan because cheese and milk and eggs are so yummy. I just realized that I will be giving up fish as well. No Omega 3s for me :(
Well at least it's only for a week. I never thought about how hard it is for vegetarians to get vegetarian food. Additionally, since I'm on the Dining Services committee for my school this will be an excellent way to see the world from a vegetarian's point of view. I wonder what spectacular benefits this will have on my health as well. I'm pretty excited! but I am kind of hungry still right now :( eeeeehh. Well I will reflect on this experience later. Anyone wanna try this challenge too?

Sick

I shouldn't have drank the doubleshot Friday night. I felt disgusting in the morning and now God has punished me with this cold. I was supposed to take m grandma shopping for hand lotion today, but she cancelled on me. Woe is me left at home with my mom.

Let's talk about Math

So tonight I shall blog about this subject... Math.
In high school I was on the math team (right, Social Suicide according to Gretchen Weiner in Mean Girls) for four years. I dedicated one Saturday morning every month from the beginning of Sophomore year and about 300 hours total of workshop training in addition to practice on my own on Friday nights before meets. I gave up Tennis and Golf to spend more time indoors learning math techniques and teaching math techniques. Every time I had a workshop I would dread teaching it because teaching math to people is not realy exciting to me. Now that I think of it participating in the math team was one of those things that I just do because its easy to engage in a flow pattern with it, errr what i mean is that its easy for me to just keep going once I get the pattern. Doing pactice problems allowed me to memorize the pattern and the different shapes that itcan come in, allowing me to be ready for anything handed to me on the day of the Math Meet. I knew I was good at math when I was in second grade. The worksheets that my teacher handed out were super easy for me and I even remember requesting extra work because I didn't have anything to do at home. My MAT (a public school standardized test) scores showed that I had 6th grade level math skills in second grade. My teachers, my mom and my classmates kept telling me how "smart" I was. I remember my mom drilling me about the times table as well on the drive back to Ewa Beach from town. Every year my teachers and fellow classmates would tell me I have talent in math. I made friends by helping them on their homework and they liked me because they thought I was the smartest girl in the entire grade. In middle school I was able to skip Prealgebra in 8th grade and go straight to algebra. In high school I took math classes every summer to get ahead of everyone in my grade to further defend my title of being the Math Girl. By junior year I was taking AP Calculus and became co captain of the Math Team. I was on this weird Math Train and people all around me encouraged me to stay on it, so I did.

And then finally, along came college where I realized that Math is just a requirement that I have to fulfill for my engineering degree. I don't like it particularly. The college math classes that I've taken only have been interesting because my teacher was a flamboyantly gay guy and made quirky jokes. I spent hours on my homework and only after another hour of review before the class would I be able to comprehend the new lesson being taught. Currently I have one more math class to take for graduation requrements, and do not plan on taking it any time soon. Without the encouragement of my teachers and peers, I have no motivation to do math, which means in reality I may have been under an illusion all my life! I may have used my mathemtical ability to gain approval and praise from those around me. Rather than enjoying math itself I enjoyed the attention that I got when I excelled in it, or looked for other rewards such as recommendation letters from teachers. Well the point is that I don't know if I like math at all or if I just like the recognition. Or another possibility is that college is just harder and even subjects that I liked are harder.

So I feel like I rode this Math Train from 2nd grade till the end of high school. I never really thought about whether I enjoyed it or just did it cus ppl told me i was good at it. I wonder if I'd been told that I was good at writing at an early age, would I pursue English?

Work

Today I got to work in the lab and got introduced to various lab equipment by a fellow intern. I also got to weigh out some chemicals with a super sensitive balance that measures milligrams. Right now it's lunch time and I am reading a boring research journal about the current project that they are replicating in the lab. I'm looking forward to this afternoon because after lunch I get to watch a very important process in the lab and after that I have a job interview at Crazy Shirts at Ward. weeee.

Summer to do list progreess

So I feel like I have accomplished the majority of the goals on my summer to do list. Cept for the inevitable such as "fighting as little with my parents and my sister." And the volunteering a 100 hours thing....I'm now changing that to 100 hours of work for no pay (that way my internship conveniently accomplises that goal) I already have 38.5 hours logged. Now adding to my list:

1) Obtain a job that will cover my extracurricular spending for the summer and the school year as to gain financial independence from my parents and to alleviate household financial stress.

2)Lose 10 pounds

3)Make sandwiches for lunch at work

4) Eat more salad

5) Refuse food at home if it's fatty, salty, or carb-festive

6) Be more courteous at home

7) Rid my face of acne by religiously applying medication

8) Sleep early, wake up early & run or go to the Y every day!

9) Do not stay at home every Friday night. Always plan something for Friday nights, Also Saturday nights. Stay away from home on Saturday and Friday nights as to relieve stress from the busy work week. Maybe Thursday nights too.

10) Never let myself ferment at home as to live healthier and build relationships with people

11) Update my Zune biweekly so that I do not get bored listening to the same shit while running

12) Refrain from backtalking to my dad or mom

13) Walk my dogs at least once a week (weekday afternoon)

14) Open my mind and attempt to fall for some one.

15) Do not let new actual paying job schedule dictate my schedule. I shall be the dictator of my work schedule!

16) Stop wasting time playing dumb ass Facebook games including but not limited to Restaurant City and Bejeweled Blitz!

17) Refuse anything for breakfast on weekdays except oatmeal!

18) Hang out with Santa Clara friends at least once

19) Be courteous when my mom invites 4 relatives that I do not know to stay over our tiny house in the beginning of August. Make an effort to be away from home at almost all times during the time.

20) Become transportationally independent, which means taking the bus, figuring bus routes, walking, etc. as long as I am not dropped off by a parent or sibling.

21) Do not use the computer before sleeping or eat meals late at night as to avoid insomnia.

22) Keep real and confident
To accomplish number 21 I need to sleep now.

So I haven't updated this thing in a while

And I thought I'd practice my English writing skills before they deteriorate to nothing over summer. Or I would just like to rant about why I do not like living in the same house as my parents sometimes. Since I moved away for college my parents decided to turn half of my room into their fucking office. And get this...my room is the smallest room in the entire fucking house! They decided to downsize what little personal living area I have to one half. In addition to being an office my room is also somewhat of a theater for my mom when she decides to watch Chinese olden-days dramas. My old binders and precious memories from high school and basically my entire life have been thrown out of my personal desk drawers, which my mom decided to convert into a filing cabinet for her business things. As I am typing on my bed, my father is occupying my desk doing work on the computer. In addition, tenants live under me so I can never jump up and down in my own room...although this sounds stupid it's actually really fucking annoying because when I get mad I can't stomp around in my own room...I can't slam doors...I haven't had a restful night of sleep since last week and I have no idea why. Maybe cause my room makes me claustrophobic and shit. In addition to being claustropohobic my room is fucking hot most of the time...right now there is a nice post-rain breeze. It's really nice actually :) Anyways back to venting MADNESS. Supposedly my dad has a cold right now. I don't know if he is being a drama queen or what, but he was looking for extra strenght tylenol and couldn't find it so he told me to go to Longs to buy some. I looked in the medicine drawer and found it for him, but the expiration date was 7/09 ...but it is July 09, so I wasn't sure and asked him if he wanted me to buy new ones...he said it's up to you I just need Tylenol. So I fucking Googgled "Tylenol expiration date" and found out that medicine doesn't really expire, cept thats just the date that manufactures guarantee it to work till. In fact it even works 3 years after expiration date. So I told my dad it's still good, but he fucking ignores me when he comes out of the shower because he sees that I am still at home and haven't gone to buy the medicine. He finds his keys and drives off to go to Longs himself. I try to stop him from going, but he fucking ignores me. Then my sister and my mother gang up on me "Why didn't you go and buy it??? Don't you know he's sick?" FUCK. You go buy the medicine. I already found some unexpired medicine for him and when I asked if he wanted me to go buy it he didn't say anything. Well that's my little story that I enjoyed sharing about one reason why I do not enjoy staying at home with my family.

Well spending the day at Alaz today was supah fun. Just chilling and catching up and reminiscing good ole days of high school.

I suppose I'll do some research so that I can get out of work earlier tomorrow. Outs.

So I haven't updated this thing in a while

sdsds

So I haven't updated this thing in a while

back home

hit me up and let's hang out!

This weekend & Stuff I have to do this week

This weekend I went to the mall, got bubble tea, ate frozen yogurt, saw UP, played beer pong, finished editting my english essay, ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill in half an hour, did other workouts at the gym, became engrossed in a book called The High Price of Materialism, and got lots of sleep.

Time to crank out a 10-12 page paper on living deliberately and Walden and then sudy for physics and chem finals, then create a powerpoint on dialysis for bioengineering class.

Then find boxes and pack shit.
Then go back to home sweet home.... where I can be bossed around by my parents and grandparents and what not.

Things to do before this school year ends

Lose 10 pounds

Drink bubble tea

Ace my finals and midterms

Clean out my room and pack shit

Yeah thats about it...

Summer to do List

Make $1000. This shall last me for outside spending for an entire year of school.Don't know how yet. Scholarship essay writing or job


Lose 10 pounds.


Volunteer 100+ hours. Queens Medical Center and other things.


Be nice to my sister, mom, and dad. Fight as little as possible


Do nice things like clean the house, and take grandparents places.


Hang out with high school friends as much as time allows. This shall include hiking, tennis, movie watching, beaching, mall perusing, and lunch dates.


Take my dogs to the park -- I keep on saying I will do this. But I will make it happend this time. Bobo deserves it.


Pick mangoes, eat mangoes.


Eat shave ice with condensed milk


Play a round of golf


Hang out with my cousins


Cook dinner for my family at least once


Clean out the shit in my closet


Clubbing at least once?


Eat acai bowl at the place in Ala Moana


Eat acai bowl at Jewel or Juice


Eat acai bowl at Lanikai Juice

Eat breakfast at Mocha Java's at noon

Take choke pictures.

Work out at the YMCA, swim at the YMCA, try to get a job at the YMCA?

Learn about rental stuff from my mom

Shop at Ross on Tuesday with my grandma

Drive to my old house in Ewa Beach just cus

Why is everything closed

 I'm bored. Why is everything closed on Memorial Day Weekend??

an excerpt from my essay that i want to finish

Current Crisis in Education: Parenting Failure
“My mom is a crack head!” I laughed at Andre’s statement and took it lightheartedly, but as I heard more of his stories during idles times at my minimum-wage summer job, I discovered that they were the truth of his life and everything that happened to him in the past led him to where he stands today. Andre grew up with a single mom and doesn’t know who his father is. Growing up, sometimes his mom would not take him to school because she didn’t think school was important for him. In high school, his mom stopped buying him required textbooks for school and instead told him to start working, so he got a job at McDonald’s. Andre’s situation was the complete opposite of mine because in my family education is the number one priority; they didn’t even allow me to get a part-time job till after I graduated from high school. My parents immigrated to America from China to attend college and for the many job opportunities. My parents sacrificed summer family vacations so that my sister and I could attend a private school. Because of my parents’ great value of education, I learned to take my education seriously. Education is the most basic foundation a parent can provide for their child for a secure future. It’s hard for me to imagine being in a family where parents simply do not care about their child’s future, but such is the case of my co-worker at Subway, who was a high school dropout, because his mom would not buy the books that he needed for class. I take so many things in my life for granted, my education included, but I learned that there are many people out there who have not been as fortunate as I have been. Parents play a crucial role in the future success of their children. The values that a parent instills in a child carry on for the rest of the child’s life. The current crisis in education can partly be blamed on the lack of parental involvement in and concern for their child’s education. To fix the problem American parents need to instill discipline in their children Many parents are just not financially stable enough to spend

Down with ze Sickness

So,
Last night I had a major fever at like 3 or 4 AM. I used the bathroom, drank some water, then I had this like stomach ache. I felt like I was gonna die, so I was going to lay on the couch outside. I was climbing over it from the back and then realized that my suitemate's friend was sleeping in it and i woke her up....awkward. all i said was I dont feel good, then turned off the lights and went back to my room where i figured i'd just lie in my bed and let it past. fortunately it did pass. i'm feeling much better today and i guess that was the peak of my sickness. It should be all g from here.

RANDOMS
Today I ate pancakes for breakfast.

I took the quiz on facebook called How Geeky Are you? And I got 10/10... how embarassing. I totally did not expect that. I mean I know I'm a little geeky, but 10/10...wow just wow.....

I bought a lunchables pizza flavor because it reminds me of my childhood aka comfort food. I figured I can eat whatever the heck i want cus im sick.

I'm writing a english paper on the current education crisis...although i don't really think its that big of a deal. Im saying blame the parents.

Last night I watched the Silence of the Lambs for the first time and it was pretty gross. I noticed that Dr. Hahnn from Grey's Anatomy is in it haha.

VIDEO UPDATE

It's a bit soft, sorry but I'm going to sleep.

I am so ready

To end this year. I feel so irritated and annoyed with everything and almost everyone around me right now. I need to go home! I am only getting through midterms right now....

Mother's Day

So I'm not sure if I told you guys before or not, but my mom has kidney disease. Right now her kidney function is down to 19% of what it should be for a normal healthy kidney. Usually people get on the transplant waiting list when function drops to 20%. She has to lose some weight before she can be eligible for a transplant. I talked to my mom for 2 hours last night about everything. She worries about not being able to pay my sister's college tuition and her last year of high school tuition. I told my sister that if she gets accepted in a good school I'll go back home and be with mom, but my mom tells me that I should do whatever is best for my future and not because of her. I wish I were at home right now....

HELLO

Today I decided to wake up early and get a head start on my physics problem set. I finished all of it, checked the assignment again online to make sure I did all of the right problems, and found out that my teacher accidentally posted the wrong assignment the other day and posted a brand new one today. None of the problems overlap. FML!

Winning Free Stuff

Winning free stuff is amazing. You get this feeling like "Oh yes God really does love me." I do not know how to descibe it. So far I've won a Kaplan MCAT class, iPod nano, and Grey's Anatomy Season 4 DVD. I'm so proud of myself.

Define: Fun

I had a conversation with my friend over dinner which sparked me to think about what fun really is. He says that fun is the thrill in doing something that involves a lot of risk, but I say that can't one have fun just hanging out? For me fun is doing something that I have never done before such as hiking a mountain, or playing a game, or just being with people that make me laugh doing somethig random like watching a movie or just hanging out chillaxin. If fun is associated with a high degree of risk then I dont think I have really had a lot of fun in my life if I do not count those times riding up Tantalus in the car of Jessica Chang or riding the roller coasters at six flags, or going down the turny windy slide with my cousins at the water park. If fun is associated with a high degree of risk then the last time I had fun was last night as I rode in the car as my friend drifted turns and sped on the highway. It was exhilerating, but is this the same thing as fun?

Tan on the Mainlan'

So my skin has returned to its summer shade after a couple of days studying in the sun, coupled with the one breif visit to the water park during spring break. I'm darker than my Asian friends and that's all that matters!! I won a "free" iPod nano last week. I think it's green but I can't be sure since I did not open the box. I'm still debating whether I want to sell it or just use it, or give it to my dad. I have a Zune and I have a mini, but they tell me the new nano is sooo cool cus u can change the songs with a flick or ur wrist...well I will decide that later.

I just want to rant about English teachers. Some English teachers inspire you to believe that English is more than bullshit, but the majority of them confirm your beliefs through high school English classes that English is no more than just fluffy crap. I hate my two hour long English classes on Monday and Wednesday. I hate Mondays.

Furthermore, I love bubble tea, or boba, or whatever. I like it when the pearls are right between soft and hard chewy, so like chewy but not too chewy. California has the best bubble tea. None of this junk crap from like Dave's Ice Cream.

This weekend I took the train to the city (San Francisco). I went to an amazing shopping mall. It had curvy escalators..! I bout earrings from a street vendor and bout some stuff from a 3-story Forever21.

Well 8 more weeks until home sweet home where I can relax and not do anything educational.

Have you ever felt as if you were a zombie?

Well that's what I felt like today. I don't know why but I was so tired. My first class was at Chem at 9:15, then Physics immediately after. Lunch break at 11:35 where I ate a salad, went back to my room and did some thing on the computer. Went to physics office hours at 2:00, stayed till 3:15, walked over to English class, ended early at 5:00, ate dinner, headed over to Physics lab at 6:00. Finished physics lab early...at 8:10 pm. Mondays this quarter suckass. I feel so tired, yet I do not want to sleep because I do not feel satisisfied, not only because I did not finish my homework, but I feel like I'm missing something as in my life.

gossip girl

me and my friends stayed up till 5 in the morning on saturday finishing watching the entire first season of gossip girl. at first i thought this show was stupid because i had no idea what was going on, but after watching the entire first season i like it a lot. i like their clothes and accessories, the scandalous narrator voice, the dramatized drama, and everything about it.

xoxo M

P.S.
Answer to previous riddle:
Billy was a window cleaner and got tired of cleaning windows, so he jumped into the building.

Riddle of the Day

My brain is too stupid to write long blog entries so I found a riddle for you guys :)

Brad stared through the dirty soot-smeared window on the 22nd floor of the office tower. Overcome with depression he slid the window open and jumped through it. It was a sheer drop outside the building to the ground. Miraculously after he landed he was completely unhurt. Since there was nothing to cushion his fall or slow his descent, how could he have survived the fall?

Anyways everything is going good. I have a bunch of homework to do this weekend. I have two labs this quarter: Physics and Chemistry totalling 7 hours of labtime each week. I am trying to find a biomedical engineering internship for summer either at home or here. Yes, I might stay here during summer if I do get one. But I've been working on my resume, attended a resume writing workshop, and now I am trying to find an internship. I applied to Queens Hospital Internship. If I don't get an internship I'll be going back home working at some job, maybe two if I feel up to it. I'm thinking of Long's Drugs and Makino Chaya.

Grey's Anatomy

Grey's Anatomy is so good this season. Izzie Stevens has a brain tumor. I need to catch up with the latest episode, which I will do now on ABC.com.

Filing Taxes

So this year is the first year that I have to file a tax return. Help?

1 More Final

1 more final till spring break. i will be flying down to Ontario on saturday morning to meet my mommy who is going to pick me up from the airport. we are going to stay at my aunty's house in Corona, CA. which is like 45 mins away from LA. idk what i'm going to do down there. my mom thinks that im fat and that i need a new wardrobe, so probably some shopping. hopefully i'll get to hang out with vanessa and jerrald the two friends i have in LA. well not much to report on cept i probabaly B'd my Physics exam and aced Chemistry. It's so pretty outside because it's spring :) Everything is green and blooming and it makes me happy :)

Pre-Finals Week Weekend

STUDIOUS: this word would describe me this weekend (starting Saturday)

So what's up with this Twitter thing? It's kinda like what the Newest facebook tries to be. I log on to facebook and all i see are updates, kinda just like the Twitter thing that Karen invited me to. The new facebook is even more stalker-friendly in my opinion since its even easier to stalk people because it's right on your feed....not that I stalk people, but I'm just saying.

So I just watched the Dark Knight a couple of hours ago and ummm I know I fail, but I fell asleep. It was just way too long and there were too many slow boring parts. The Watchmen, on the otherhand, was exciting the whole time like BAM BAM BAM so I liked it. Maybe I'll watch the DArk Knight again some other time when I'm not as tired. So now, Nicole, I am not part of the "increasingly small minority of the population who has not seen the dark knight" hahaha!

I hope you Twilight fans are proud of me because I just picked up New Moon from the book store this week as well. Yes, I am conforming. I feel the need to read it because everyone is telling me how good it gets.... I read the first couple pages and it is still just as cheesy as Twilight was, but I want to finish it before the movie comes out. Does anyone know when the movie is supposed to be out? In addition to Twilight reading material, I have obtained Twilight soundtrack music and that one song Flightless Bird, American Mouth is playing from my computer right now. I really like this song!

So what are you guys all up to for summer? Any internships, jobs, trips, or just chilling? I applied to an internship at Queen's Hospital, called Summer Research Internship, but it's supposed to be very competitive. I should probably have a back up plan, but I don't have one as of now. Subway? NO THANK YOU. I consider it one of my "once in a lifetime experiences". If I don't get the internship I will probably try to get a paying job.

I can hear my suitemate and her boyfriend giggling in the shower. It's 2 AM.

Dry Skin and Acne

Scaly and dry is my skin. Pimples are bursting out of my face. I think I need to start taking care of these issues. I'm on the hunt for a new face regimen.....I don't see my dermatollogist until Summer. Additionally I have put on some weight over the past couple of weeks. Time to stop eating pizza at midnight. I also need to stop buying junk food. What in the world is wrong with me?!?! I need to get back on track. I feel like I'm not doing so hot this quarter. Probably pulling B's in most of my classes.

Sunday Night

So my agenda for the past weekend was kind of half fulfilled...
SAT
-laundry (check)
-chemistry (.5 check)
-physics (check)

SUN
-English essay
-App essay
-Reward:piano (check)

Today I played piano for a couple of hours. I suck so bad now because I havent been playing consistently. Well my friend was at the piano before I got there and he happened to have Totoro song sheets! So I played Totoro theme songs such as this one:


I watched the entire Oscars for the first time in my life. I still need to watch the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Reader, and Rachel Getting Married. In response to Vanessa's comment about Slumdog Millionaire, I think you should watch it. I didn't see a lot of movies this year, but that was definitely the best movie I saw in a couple years. And plus I would actually willingly pay to see it again so thats something!!

I think the only good thing about Macs is Photobooth. Apple should stop trying to dis PC through their commercials. If they are better then they don't need to dis.

(Mac commercial)
Versus Windows Commericial:


Now that's a real commercial.
Well I suppose I shall finish the unfinished work on my agenda now.

TGIF.

This week was so stressful. I kicked off my weekend with a flu shot ($27). I haven't gotten sick once since coming to Santa Clara, but I figure I should get it for preventative measures, and so I did. I feel so tired, yet I do not feel like sleeping at all. I only had 5 hours of sleep last night. Well I am listening to my Zune right now and it's making me happy.

Reasons why a zune is better than an iPod

1) There's radio

2) You can send songs wirelessly to your other Zune friends

3) 30 Gigs for half the price

4) Microsoft!

5) Awesome Indian customer service

By the way speaking of Indian I'll do another movie review

SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE

I saw this movie online last weekend and was shocked at how horrific things were in India. The movie was filmed so well that I might even actually see it again on the big screen. It's such an eye opening movie because you don't think about those kind of things happening there, or at least I dont. The movie is about these two orphan brothers who become hustlers (MIA's Paper Planes song is in one of the scenes and I was surprised at how well it went with it). At first they were both taken in by this big bad guy who trains orphaned kids to become panhandlers. So there's this one kid who sings really well, and the big bad guy makes the kid blind so that when he begs for money while singing he can make twice as much. Well the two oprhan brothers escape from the big bad guy upon seeing how wax being poured into the kid's eyes, and they go do their own hustling in the touristy part of India. Later one of the brothers end up on India's version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, and wins the big bucks. He is accused of cheating, but he knew all the answers from the experiences that he went through. So you should see this movie, plus it was nominated for a lot of awards.

Movie Review

He's Just Not That Into You

This movie meshses together the story of 4 (or was it 5) different girls and their love life. One girl Gigi keeps on trying to find a guy, but meets Andy who tells her that when a guy doesn't call back then he's just not interested, and that's the end of the story. She calls him constantly for advice during her dates. She eventually misconstrues his kindness as love, and makes a move on him when he actually did not like her at all. Later, he realizes that she is a sweet girl and starts liking her. They start going out and live happily ever after. The other story is of a married woman who's husband is cheating on her, and eventually she gets a divorce. And so on.

So most of the movie was quite slow and boring. Though, there were some moments where you really empahtize with the character, such as the akwardness of Gigi. It came together in the end because everything ended happily and everyone got what they wanted. It's one of those movies that you leave smiling :)

V-DAY SADNESS

Valentines Day just blew up in my face. Every where I go I see it. Lovey dovey people, chocolate dipped strawberries, heart shaped everything. My roommate just asked me what she should get for her boyfriend and I said I don't know how about some heart print boxers? -_______- I feel like a cynical person hating all those who rejoice in this time of year. OK so maybe I am a bit jealous that I DON'T have a boyfriend. This is the first time in my life that it has ever hit me like this. I mean I could live without a boyfriend (I'm living now aren't I?) but I feel like I could be happier if I did have one. I wish I could just have a boyfriend for Valentines day so I wouldn't feel left out.

I have a friend who finds it surprising that I never ever had a boyfriend. I attribute it to my immense fear of rejection. It's not that I never liked anyone in high school or now in college. I don't force myself to talk to the guys that I like. I even pretend to not like them and lie to myself so that I don't seem like I do like them. I eventually get myself to believe that I do not like them. I always found some way to distract myself. I would make a freaking perfect nun!!!!! Sadness. I guess it was never a priority for me to have a boyfriend, but now that I'm in college and V-DAY is coming up that to-do is moving up the list.

Random Update

So since I got back to school after winter break I've started experimenting with alcohol more routinely. It started with ski trip in which I played my first game of Trumps...with drinks. It was just jungle juice and tasted completely fruity yet there was hard liquor in it. Last Friday after midterms, I went with my friend to a huge block party and then a small house party. We had gin, merlot, vodka, and coke to chase it down with. That was the first time I got completely wasted. That same night I ended up hanging out in someones room eating Taco Bell at 1 in the morning with 2 guys that I met at the party. Yesterday I went with the same friend and her suitemates to a frat house party. Same thing. Drunk people everywhere. Yelling. Music. Ping pong balls bouncing.

I have to admit that drinking is fun. It makes everything funny. I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed at everything. I laughed at my friend opening the fridge looking for more booze. I laughed at guys skipping around with their bags of Taco Bell. I laughed at the elevator door closing in my friend's face. This was the experience I had the first time I got drunk.

After that I started to question why I did it. And I did it because I wanted to know from first hand experience what it felt like. Prior to that I only had sips of stuff and not really being affected by it. Now that I know what it feels like I really do not have a reason to want to do it again, except maybe to just laugh? But that's not a valid reason because a sugar high can get me laughing at things too without killing my brain cells.

Last night after just one shot of vodka and cranberry juice I felt like I was just drinking to fit in. Because everyone else was doing it. I was being the sterotypical dumbass-'let's get wasted' college student. I threw away my cup and wanted so badly to leave. So my friend and I did leave early. I hate feeling like I'm doing things just to fit in. I do not like the taste of alcohol. The way it burns as it travels down my throat. I liked the feeling of bliss the first time, but that was just because it was all new and foreign and kind of exciting to me. I'm not the type of person that will party every Friday night. That's just not me. I am not the stereotypical college student. But I am also not one to religiously refuse alcohol. So I will drink when I feel I need to relieve stress and want to have fun, but not just to fit in and be one with the party scene.

Anywho. These are my thoughts.

Margaret Cho is pretty damn funny. Youtube Asian American.

Things that I want to make myself a happier person

1. A boyfriend for Valentines day
2. Christmas lights for my dorm room.
3. A faster metabolism
4. More pillows and cushions

I just realized that anyone can read anything I post

So the internet is a scary place. I find it weird that I am pouring my thoughts out into this blog and that ANYONE can read them. I have been spontaneously posting to this and have not been caring about what I say, but I feel like I should only blog about things that I don't mind ANYONE reading about. I'm not sure how to make it so that only you guys can read this blog since I don't know all your email adresses. And I'm not sure which ones of you in "the Fellowship" actually still read this blog anyway, except for Nicole :) So for now my blog is still public, but if you actually care about reading my posts please leave a comment with your email/ blogger id / username thing.

3 DAY WEEKEND = Ski trip = FUN!

Well I thought i would get as much internet time as i could before i left. This weekend is going to be exciting because in less than half an hour i am going to go up to Tahoe in a minivan with 7 other people from the asian pacific islander student union and go to a ski lodge. I finally get to see some snow ^___^ goal: build a snowman! i just waterproofed my uggs last night with the ugg spray and now i am ready. bring on the snow! Speaking of weather it was incredibly hot today. I actually sweated... it was absolutely smeltering. while in hawaii i heard theres a storm predicted for today? what in the world. GLobal warming sure is taking its tole....

As for school-related issues....
I'm actually enjoying my english class. we have to keep a journal in that class that the prof. reads at the end of the quarter. i actually enjoy writing now....strangely. today i could not pay close attention in any of my classes because last night i stayed up till 2 am packing my snow clothes and stuff, and today i couldn't wait to get out of my last class (Math). yesterday i visited my bio prof and gave her some Lion Coffee from home. i got my final exam back from last quarter and i realized i couldnt even comprehend my answers and all the processes that i spent hours, maybe even days studying. so how am i even supposed to know what i did wrong? GAHHH.

I got back to my room just now and indulged on some gummies and kettle corn. I loaded up on enough junk food to last me the whole trip too.

As for New Year's resolutions
I've been having a good workout in dance class? I havent gone to the gym once this week....woops. at least i'll be hardcore skiing i guess. one of my suitemates is moving out because there was some conflict betweeen her and the other suitemates, so shes moving to the second floor. its kinda sad even though i didnt hang out with her alot. we were supposed to make chili and rice together :( but i suppose i will visit her next week since shes moving out this sunday. the other girls were totally ignoring her and were always talking about how she always talked shit about them. hm i wonder what they will talk about now that she is moving out. yes i understand that sentence can be quite confusing.
Well i'm going to bring my camera and take choke pictures. snow snow snow =)

I cant think of a title

Well its been a week and a half into the new year. I've been pretty busy and the school internet is off and on on me so I haven't been on my computer a lot that lately. What I have been doing is being a busy bee. This first week of school has been very tiring. I am taking Physics, Chemistry II, Calculus IV, English I Honors, Environmental Economics, and Modern Dance I. I am actually enjoying all of my classes, cept maybe Chemistry since the class is extremely long and boring since I already took AP Chem. I have a feeling I may not attend all Chem classes this quarter. As for my new years resolutions, I have been to the gym 3 times this week, in addition to my twice a week dance classes, so I have been getting a hecka lot of physical activity. Last night I got pizza with some of my suitemates, so I have been geting more convo time with them.